The Hidden Strings

When Emotions Become Control

Within a Cage

I used to think kindness was the answer.

That if I just considered the other person's perspective more, things would be better.

I started feeling tired, but even after a good night's sleep, it didn’t go away.

I started hesitating before responding.
Replaying conversations in my head like I was editing a script.

I must be the problem.
If I could just get it right, everything would work out.
I can fix this.

Quiet Art of Control

It doesn’t start with shouting, but with suggestions.
With questions that feel loaded but polite.
“I just think it’s strange you’d think that.”

Emotional manipulation isn’t loud.
Sometimes it looks like guilt disguised as love.
“After all I’ve done for you.”

Other times, it’s silence used as a weapon.
You speak your mind and the room goes cold.

The manipulator might not even realise they’re doing it.
Control isn’t always a conscious goal.

But the impact is just the same.

The most dangerous part?
You might think you're being respected.
When you're actually being managed.

Numb to Nuance

Men typically weren't taught to spot it.
We were taught to toughen up, not tune in.
To solve problems, not feel our way through things.
Conflicts at school often resulted in aggression, not words.

So when manipulation arrives, it walks inside.
Not because we’re too weak to keep it out.
Because we were never shown how to recognise it.

Instead of saying “This doesn’t feel right.”
We say: “She’s just upset.” “He’s under a lot of pressure.”

We make excuses, because that's what we've learnt to do.
And when we do notice something's are off, there’s the added weight of shame.
What kind of man would say “I feel hurt” without feeling foolish?

The truth is we are numb to anything that isn’t bleeding.

This isn’t about blaming ourselves for what we didn’t see.
It’s about unlearning the coping skills we have developed.

Whisper Beneath

Emotional manipulation often hides in the everyday interactions.

You might be caught in it if:

You feel anxious before a conversation.
You feel exhausted after a conversation.
You’ve caught yourself thinking “It’s not worth mentioning.”
You started to edit your words before speaking, out of fear.
Walk away from conversations feeling at fault, even when good intentioned.
You rewind conversations, replaying them in your head.
You feel like you are apologising just for existing.

It reminds me of someone saying, “I’m not a racist, but” before saying something clearly racist, using the statement as a shield instead of taking responsibility. The same logic applies to emotional manipulation. Words without action, apologies without meaning.

If you happen to try taking some control, even subconsciously, the manipulator may become irrational in their responses and escalate. “I can’t live without you.”

When something feels wrong beneath the surface.
That’s not weakness. That's you waking up.

Why It's Damaging

When we think of damage, we think of a bruise on our arm.
Emotional manipulation is the quiet wreckage.

You start believing that your needs are a problem.
Your boundaries are an inconvenience.
Your voice is best kept down.

Here's what emotional manipulation does quietly:

Erodes Self-Worth - When your feelings are constantly twisted or dismissed, you begin to believe your emotions are flawed.
Emotional Burn-out - Trying to keep the peace and anticipate reactions is emotionally exhausting.
Silences Your Voice - You stop speaking up, worried about how things will be received, twisted or punished.
Distorts Your Reality - You second-guess your memory, perception and instincts. That self-doubt slowly chips away at your ability to set boundaries.
Rewires Love - You begin to equate love with tension. With guilt. You start to believe pain is just part of caring.

This damage has a habit of affecting not just this relationship, but other relationships.

Cutting the Strings

Identify - Call it what it is: emotional manipulation. Not a bad day. Not a misunderstanding. Not your fault.
Boundaries - You don’t need to storm out. Just draw one small line. “I’m happy to talk, but not if I’m being guilted.”
Journal - Before and after a conversation. Write down what you hoped for. What actually happened. You will start to see it, the tactics.
Talk - Find someone you trust, a mate, therapist, someone who will listen without trying to fix it.
Unapologetic - Needing respect isn’t selfish. You are allowed to say, “That hurt”

Cutting the string doesn't mean cutting people off.

It means choosing not to be pulled in directions that hurt.

When was the last time you ignored a gut feeling?